How I Found My Life's Purpose on an H&M Website
Today is the day I found my life’s purpose. Who knew it would come on the heels of a misstep by a retailer I have set foot in less than five times. As H&M becomes the 50-11th giant retailer to produce culturally insensitive content in the last few years it dawned on me, they need us. When I say us, I mean you, me and whoever else is reading this on the internet because it seems none of US are in these companies. Or the people that are there may be in the sunken place or they may be so damn tired of their employer doing the racist shit they do around the office that they mentally checked out and are going to allow the companies to hang yourselves for the public to see.
However, I am not cruel in this manner nor am I in the sunken place. I am a giving soul whose eye is on the prize and will take your corporate dollars that you spend on beer pong leagues, ping pong tables or gentrifying the Bay Area and use the dollars for good. I introduce to you: The Social Capital Leadership Council. Who are we? Cultural provocateurs, leaders who won’t hold any punches to tell you when you’re fucking up! And that my friends is why we’re here and why you need US. We no longer want to tell you when you’ve fucked up after you’re in damage control mode when Becky and Tom are crying wondering why people are offended as they talk about their African-American studies class at Stanford or their volunteer time in Mexico or Haiti. That time is over and we the Social Capital Leadership Council is here to save you.
We are available to review all ad campaigns, social media posts, art direction, company materials and CEO communications and more. We will also do song selection for your campaigns as well. Our turnaround time on social posts is an industry best, 8 minutes. So the next time you want to have a black woman remove her shirt in an ad and come out white on the other end of it on some Mighty Morphing Power Rangers shit we can stop you dead in your tracks! We are also available to review private items where some "people" are known to fuck up, like those “themed” Halloween parties y’all always seem to have.
So how does this work? When you have something you’d like us to review submit it and we will give you a write up telling you who you will offend and how. We also provide analytics and infographics to make the obvious more obvious.
We have the following premium audiences available that come at a higher rate:
- Black Twitter
- Black Feminist Twitter
- Facebook Hoteps
Also, if offending people is your goal because you want to dominate the news cycle, cause controversy and increase traffic don’t miss on the Cointelpro package. We will craft a campaign to offend your target audience to the severity of your choosing. Be advised the Cointelpro package comes at a price of 5 times the normal rate. (5 times because there were 5 Cold Crush Brother *if you don't catch the Jay Z wordplay, that is extra as well*)
The only payment option we accept is BitCoin at this time.
We look forward to starting a great business partnership that should keep us all worry & boycott free for the foreseeable future. The service is available for all ethnicities and communities. We can refer you to our Latino brethren
Thank you and I look forward to doing business with you,
Social Capital Leadership Council