10 Things I Want to See at Obama’s Farewell Speech

1.      Theme Music.  In the cinema classic “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka” the hero of the movie, Jack Slade, and his mentor talk about theme music.  And they say every good hero, should have theme music.  From a president who has playlists and invited what seems like every rapper to the white house, I’m expecting the best theme music ever.  My suggestions, I think he should hit the stage to a hometown new classic: No Problems by Chance the Rapper.  And how should he leave the stage?  To none other than “The Next Episode” by Dr. Dre. 

2.     Numbers, lots of numbers.  We all know the Jay-Z phrase: “Men lie, women lie, numbers don’t.”  Like it or not, Barack Obama as President of the United States of America, put up numbers that mattered.  Total number of new jobs created under the Obama Administration: 11.3 million, 10 million more jobs than George W. Bush, 75 months straight of job growth and a drop in the employment rate of 2-3%.  But If you want numbers head over to CNN Money for this nifty article on the economy under Obama.  I just want Bro to flex on them one time for what he accomplished. 

3.     Uncle Joe in his Mode.  Throughout Obama’s two terms in office Joe Biden has played what we believe to be the role of a take-no-shit Capo and still being a warm friend.  Joe is always in the back looking like he is silently cheering for Obama like DJ Khaled cheers for Rick Ross while they work out.  I expect Joe Biden to be in full glory laughing like a guy watching his best friend on his victory lap.  

4.     Michelle, Sasha and Malia Obama to look like Black Girl Magic.  I know, I know, some people feel that the phrase Black Girl Magic is overused.  Well, we will stop using it when black women stop being magic, which will be never, so get used to it.  When the Obama women step out, I envision that is what the families in heaven are like: graceful and they look like they walk on air. 

5.     Tears.  I expect Obama to cry, because regardless of how you feel about him, sit back and truly think about what he has accomplished.  Your grandma probably has a picture of him on an 8x10 in her house right now.  Obama, Martin Luther King and Jesus that’s it.  I also expect the crowd to cry because being a part of a truly historic event does not happen every day.  Tears will be natural and free-flowing at this event, especially from the Chicagoans because Obama is from Chicago and he is ours and our president. 

6.     Future Plans.  This may be selfish but I’m waiting on Obama to announce he is doing something no other president has done.  Like can he announce that he is going to have a nightly TV show like Johnny Carson with Joe Biden playing the role of his Ed McMahon?  Is that too much to ask?  Or I’d like to announce that he has an endorsement deal with Nike or Jordan Brand?  I really don’t want him to just ride off into the sunset. 

7.     A Choir.  I’m fully aware of the separation of church and state.  I’m fully aware that a president should stay far away from religion, but tonight something in my negro soul, tells me that I want to hear “His Eye is on the Sparrow” or “Never Would’ve Made It” by a choir in robes or for my ratchet side: “Father Stretch My Hands.”

8.     Chicago Students.  I want to see students from all over Chicago who are meeting, beating and shattering expectations.  There are tons of them and unfortunately they do not get enough press.  I want to see students from Morgan Park, Kenwood, Urban Prep and FLOTUS’ alma matter: Whitney Young.  I want them to experience this to inspire some of them to have the goal to become the President of the United States.

9.     Cheeto Jokes.  Somehow a talking Cheeto who tweets from a New York Penthouse with a Russian posse, who wants to build a wall across the whole southern portion of the country to keep out immigrants like the one he married was just elected President.  The jokes write themselves and I need them tonight.

10.  Cooler than the Other Side of the Pillow Barack (RIP to Stuart Scott).  There are some people who wreak of cool.  When the President appears on my TV, I’m always thinking, does he even sweat, how is he so cool under pressure, how does he always say the right thing?  When it comes to being cool, I feel like there’s Barack Obama, Denzel Washington and then everything else is just looking up.  I feel that tonight we’ll see him cooler than he’s ever been and I don’t mean cool in the weird condescending type of way either.  I mean cool in the “all these people tried to stop me, I still changed the world, inspired generations, got the dopest family out and you can’t get rid of me” type of cool.  Yup, that’s Barack Obama.  Farewell friend.